I Run To You
by funloverrr
Summary: What happens after the wreck? How will the characters move forward? Will Rayna and Deacon recover?
1. Chapter 1

The moon shines brightly through a small crack in the curtains of Rayna's hospital room, its light reflecting off of Deacon's watch. He sits quietly in a standard blue chair, his head falling to the side drowsily. In the glow of the pale moonlight, Rayna's face appears to be exceptionally pale. It makes her look eerily ghostlike. Deacon can't help but think that she looks like she is merely a shadow of her former self. He is used to witnessing her energy and passion. Now, he fears that he may never get a chance to see her behaving like that again. He may never get a chance to hear her voice, look into her eyes, or even see her alive again.

It has only been four days since the wreck but she has not woken up yet. The days have dragged by for Deacon. He has not left her side since being cleared with minor injuries just hours after the wreck. He feels guilty. He knows that it is his fault that she is even in this position. It is his fault that she is hovering between life and death. His heart breaks every time he looks at her beautiful face and sees the damage that he knows he is responsible for causing.

He always watches her closely, looking for any sign of movement. He has no reason to hope. She has remained completely still the entire time. The clock ticks slowly, counting the seconds. He hears it echoing throughout the room. He feels like it is mocking him.

_How can time go on without her? There is nothing without her. Life is meaningless without her. Dark. Dead. Done. _

The walls surround him. He feels their presence. He knows that he will always be trapped in this room if she doesn't make it out. He will relive these last moments for the rest of his life. He will never escape from the pain. Rayna is the only one for him, for better or for worse.

He knows that Rayna's injuries are numerous. He sees the bandages and the bruises. He hears the doctors murmuring when they stand around her, trying to cure her. It is possible that they may not be able to cure her. Deacon knows that she is fighting for her life. He knows that this might be the one fight that she doesn't win. He can't stand the idea of losing her forever.

He is still upset that she lied to him but he wants to have a chance to talk things out with her. He made a mistake when he turned to the bottle. It is a mistake that he will always regret. He wishes that he had just talked to her like an adult. He hopes that he will get the chance to make up for his mistake when she wakes up.

It has become a habit for him to frequently glance at the monitors that are surrounding her. He doesn't know what most of them mean. All he sees is red. The red numbers cut through the darkness. It reminds him of the accident. He sees black all around him and then he sees red. He sees her blood. He sees it gushing from the wound in her head. He closes his eyes tightly, forcing the images out of his mind. He sighs when he sees black again. It is black like the harsh night. It is black like death and despair.

_I've killed the only woman I've ever loved._

Deacon cannot shake the thought. It plagues him. It follows him around, day and night, while he sits by her side. She is still breathing but he knows that her chances are slim. He knows exactly what the doctors spend their days murmuring about. They are discussing their options. They have already tried almost everything. They are searching for answers.

_Why won't she just wake up?_

Deacon looks at her intently, silently pleading with her to open her eyes. He wants to see them. He wants to remember exactly how it feels to stare into their deep abyss.

_Without her, I will fall into the abyss._

He is already falling. The darkness surrounds him, suffocating him. She is his light. She always has been.

_How can I find my way out without her?_

He knows that he will not find his way out if she dies. He will sink further and further into the dark pit of despair. He will never recover.

_Maybe I should just end it now so I never have to live without her._

Deacon shakes his head violently, trying to erase the thought. He knows that he cannot do that. He needs to be there for her when she wakes up. He needs to be there for his daughter.

_Our daughter._

He corrects himself forcefully. Maddie is their daughter. He prays that they will have a chance to raise her together. He looks up at the ceiling, pleadingly.

_Please, God. Don't let her die. Don't let her die because of me._

It is the first time he has asked God for something since he was a little boy. He is sure that it is the most meaningful thing that he has ever asked for.


	2. Chapter 2

Rayna opens her eyes slowly. She blinks a few times before glancing around the room. Her heart rate quickens as she takes in her surroundings. She sees the monitors, the bed that she is lying in, and the green curtains.

_Why am I in the hospital? _

Her gaze falls on Deacon. He is sleeping in a chair by the side of her bed. He looks peaceful, almost like a baby lying in his mother's arms. His presence calms Rayna momentarily until the memories start to flood back to her. She remembers fighting with Deacon, swerving, and screaming. She recalls how everything had gone black. She knows that the wreck was a direct result of Deacon's decision to start drinking again. Her heart breaks at the thought. She blames herself for hurting him but she blames him for turning to alcohol. Her fears have been confirmed. Even after being sober for 13 years, Deacon was still not ready for the news. His reaction only validates her decision to keep it from him.

When she had first found out she was pregnant, Rayna had dreaded the occurrence of something like this. She had been plagued with nightmares of Deacon drunkenly driving their daughter into a ditch. She had known that his alcoholism would always be a danger to their daughter. She had already chosen to leave Deacon but the fact that she was pregnant made her realize that she definitely had to leave him for the safety of their daughter. It was hard. It was excruciatingly painful to leave him behind but she knew that it was for the best. She wanted to raise Maddie with Deacon. She wanted to marry him and have a family with him. She had always dreamt of being with him forever but she could not be selfish, not when she was responsible for another life.

_The same rule applies now. I can't be selfish anymore. I've been selfish this whole time by thinking that it would work and putting my desires ahead of my family. _

It breaks her heart but she knows that she can't be with Deacon anymore. He is still an alcoholic. He doesn't need her to add drama to his life. He has done so well the past 13 years without her. She was fooling herself into thinking that they could be together.

She loves him so much but she feels like he is simply not strong enough to be a typical family man. If anything horrible happens, then he turns to alcohol and Rayna doesn't want either one of her daughters to witness that. They need a strong, steady man in their lives.

She sees Deacon stirring from his sleep and her heart beats faster. She can feel it pounding against her chest.

Deacon opens his eyes and glances at Rayna. He is shocked to see that she is awake.

"Ray?" he asks. "Are you really awake or am I dreaming?"

"I'm awake," she replies simply.

Rayna watches his face and notices his relief. She guesses that he has not left her side since the accident. It is just like Deacon to do something like that. He is so stubborn that she knows he has been neglecting his own wellbeing to stay with her.

"I'm so glad that you're okay. I'm sorry, Ray. I messed up. I was just caught off guard by everything. I promise I won't do it again," he says.

The words are like an echo from the past. Rayna has heard similar promises many times before.

"I know, Deacon. Why don't you go home and get some rest?" she suggests, trying to put off the inevitable conversation that she must have with him.

"No way," he says.

Deacon leans over and kisses her lips softly. Rayna savors the feeling for a moment but pulls away before it gets heated.

"What's wrong?" Deacon questions.

Rayna avoids his gaze.

"Nothing," she responds.

"I know you, Ray. I know that something isn't right," he says. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I feel as good as can be expected," she answers.

"Then what is it?" he asks in concern.

"We can't do this anymore," she says, pointing her finger between them.

"Do what, Ray?"

"This. Us. We can't be together. I'm not good for you and we can't afford for something like this to happen again. We can't be selfish. We have a daughter to look out for and our relationship is never going to be easy. It's always going to be hard and we've seen what happens when things get hard," she explains.

Deacon frowns at her.

"We've spent the past 14 years wishing that we could be together and now you're telling me that we need to break up?" he asks, his temper rising.

"Think about it, Deacon. Think about what happened. It isn't fair to either of us and it isn't fair to Maddie," she replies.

"You wanna talk about what's fair? How about we talk about the fact that you have been lying to me for 13 years, Ray? Is that fair?" he yells.

"Deacon, just be reasonable," she says.

"Okay, Ray," he says, getting up. "I'll be reasonable."

With that, he storms out of the room, leaving Rayna alone. She wishes things could be different between them but she knows that there are no other options. She has to protect Maddie. She has to protect Deacon. She has to protect herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Deacon sits on the couch staring at the wall. The room is dark. He hasn't bothered to turn on any lights. He feels like the darkness sets a better tone for his mood. He is brooding quietly, allowing his self-pity to fester. He thinks of all of the mistakes he has made and he realizes that Rayna might have made the right decision by keeping Maddie away from him for so long.

_How am I supposed to do this? I always fall short. I can't really be a father._

Since leaving the hospital, his thoughts have spiraled out of control. Almost losing Rayna had made him realize how much he wanted her. It had made him realize that he could forgive her for anything, as long as she was by his side. Unfortunately, the whole incident had reminded Rayna of his greatest vice. She had pushed him away violently, saying that it would be best for both of them if they were no longer romantically involved.

_I'm not good enough. Rayna doesn't even want me anymore. _

It rips him apart inside to think about living life without Rayna. She is the only woman he has ever loved. She is the only woman that he will ever love. He wants to run to her and never leave her side. He wants the heartache to stop. He doesn't want to feel the pain anymore. He wants to drink. He wants to be numb.

_Don't be stupid, Deacon. That's exactly what got you into this mess in the first place. Hell, that's even why you aren't the one who has been married to Rayna for the past 14 years._

He is beating himself up over everything. He wants to prove himself to Rayna. He wants to prove that he can be a great father. The only problem is that he doesn't know if he even has what it takes to be someone's father. His whole life, he has been the one who needs to be taken care of.

_How can I be responsible for another human being if I can't even be responsible for myself?_

Rayna has always been his support system. He had gotten sober for her. He had done everything for her. And yet, she had been lying to him for so long. She had broken his heart twice, in his greatest hours of need.

_Where can I turn now? I don't even know how to live without relying on her. But maybe she's right. We've both caused each other so much pain. Maybe it's best if we just cut all of our romantic ties and focus on Maddie._

Even the thought sounds bitter in his head. He knows that it is all wrong. The only thing that feels right is being with her, holding her in his arms. He only feels whole when he is with her. She truly completes him.

_We've never been able to escape each other. This time won't be any different._

The thought is calming but at the same time, Deacon wonders if he is only fooling himself. Perhaps this is actually the final straw. Maybe the accident is the one thing that Rayna won't be able to forgive him for. She had forgiven him the many times he had shown up late, missed anniversaries, stayed out drunk all night, and stomped all over her heart, but this time his mistake had almost caused her to lose her life. It had also greatly affected her daughters. Maybe this mistake was the one mistake that she couldn't forgive him for.


End file.
